SUMEN ET SUSCIPE

(Adopted from the Prayer of Gratitude of St. Ignatius of Loyola)

S. Maria Gracia Agda, RVM

One of the greatest highlights in everyone’s Tertianship experience is the grace of going through a 30-day retreat. Every RVM, I am certain, has a story to tell about this month-long encounter with the Lord. “Sumen et Suscipe.” I stumbled upon these words in the early years of my Juniorate formation. I asked Mr. Google who it was. To my surprise, it’s actually the favorite offertory song in parishes entitled “Take and Receive, O Lord” by Fr. Manoling Francisco, SJ. I heard from some liturgical musicians that this song does not qualify for the criteria of a liturgical song for the prayer over the gifts. They said, “What if the Lord really takes everything from you/me?! Can one really stand it?” Well, the comment has a point, I thought. From then on, I avoided praying that prayer. It scared me.

The Tertianship Program had its major plot twist. Prior to the entrance and acceptance of the application, the Junior would have to take a battery of tests, just like how it was when we applied for Postulancy. Post-exam, we had clinical interviews, to which I wholeheartedly complied. I was happy because we were given this opportunity to further examine ourselves with a touch of science and God. However, we weren’t really sure if we were actually accepted as Tertians because, then, in the directory, we were tagged as Candidates for Tertianship. Ambiguity was in the air. This was not how we saw Tertianship from those ahead of us. Somehow, it honestly gave me a feeling that I didn’t belong there. We were told how the Tertianship Program would proceed, and subsequently, we became Tertians, but things remained vague to all of us. I took each day as a leap of faith. I opened myself to the process of formation, as it was. Many times, I considered calling it quits with my vocation, but God’s enduring love and guidance led my feet to where I was at that moment. With every Psychological Counseling session, I realized that faith can indeed move mountains.

God is a God of surprises. Music is something that is very personal to me. I make music when things get profound and beyond reason. When words could not utter the exact adjectives, the notes, at the command of my fingers, speak fluently the language my soul longs to convey. It was my way of connecting with God and with myself. There were some points of disconnection in my life and with others, but my music established and re-established forgotten friendships. What used to be a very private art of communication to me became a point of connection with others. This leads me to remember the philosophy of Fr. Albert Alejo, SJ—“ang kalooban ay isang daigdig ng ugnayan.” Music built new, renewed, and restored bridges. At the unexpected turn of events, I ended up playing for Mass almost every Sunday and on other occasions. Far from the "me" who is not so fond of volunteerism, embracing and sharing my own skills before people is actually a move to building bridges with others.

Openness has truly coaxed the good and the bad in me. The process gave significant bruises, cuts, and wounds, but I never experienced being left alone by God. At the most critical bends, He brought me to discover myself deeply. There was a reluctance, but the truth that I am God’s beloved made me walk further. It was a beautiful journey; like a lapse of time, I woke up to the 28th day of my 30-Day Ignatian Retreat. The days prior to that fateful 28th were like watching a typical K-Drama plot—fast yet exciting. Prayer period #5 brought me back to Weeks 1 & 2 (prayer to attain God's love). But this time, with a new pair of eyes. The experiences from the past gave my vocation its strongest foundation so as to make me the person that I am today—still flawed yet very much enough to bear and share God’s love. This faith of God in me has drawn me to affirm that this sense of “enoughness” in me is not because, “Okay na lang. I finished the Tertianship and I am done.” Just the default ending. It was actually an inspiration springing from my heart’s gratefulness to the faithfulness of God’s love to me—UNCONDITIONAL. More than being a Religious of the Virgin Mary, I saw a God who is most willing to embrace Maria Gracia. It was God and me in the Religious of the Virgin Mary. Like music, I felt a deep sense of harmony. I must admit, uncertainties make me feel anxious, but God’s faith in me is enough to give me the conscious confidence, and openness to pray St. Ignatius’ prayer, “Omnia tua sunt. Sumen et suscipe.” All these things are yours, Lord. Take and receive.